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As Ninja As Possible

March 18, 2009

How do you defeat the scourge of drugs, and the pain and misery that it brings to all those who are caught up in its web? The answer, which is the answer to fighting most of the evils in this world, is ninjas.

Jesse Trojaniak and Tadieusz Tertkiewicz knew the answer. Not for them the pathetically inadequate efforts of law enforcement. No, the bleeding-heart programmes of injecting rooms and touchy-feely therapy sessions do not convince these two citizens. Sometimes what is needed to change the world is tough love, and there is no tougher love than that delivered through the tip of a crossbow.

The Horatio Files is proud to present these two upstanding individuals, who did not meekly turn a blind eye to the evils on our streets, but who decided that enough was enough and who took a stand on behalf of all of us. When a friend of 19 year old Jesse and 20 year old Tadieusz got sadly mixed up with drugs, they knew they couldn’t stand idly by and watch this menace claim their community as well as their friend.

Now whilst this is undoubtedly tragic, what inducts them into the Horatio Files is how they went about conducting their crusade of social engineering. Picture this: The first glimmer of light infuses the early hours of the morning. A highway is virtually deserted. This is Route 46 in Clifton, New Jersey. Beside the highway is a lone car, parked and silent. The darkness obscures what is inside.

This is the scene that confronted police as they drove by on a routine patrol. I’m not sure how even a lifetime of dealing with the dark underbelly of crime could have prepared officers Steven Farrell and Robert Suhey for what they encountered when they stopped and approached this mystery car. Because sitting inside, were two ninjas.

Now when you think of two ninjas, you probably have in mind an image something like this:


No doubt this is what was uppermost in the minds of the police officers, who treated such a development with the cautiousness, care and concern that is appropriate when dealing with individuals who are trained in the way of stealth, weaponry and deadly combat. They could only have been further alarmed when they searched the car.

They found tactical vests, knives, throwing knives, ninja throwing stars, swords, bows, arrows, nunchucks and a cross bow. What evil deeds were about to transpire were it not for the eagle-eyed efforts of the New Jersey Police Force? A clue was found upon further searching of the vehicle. Five letters were found, decorated in Chinese designs and motifs.

It must have also surprised Police to find that under the menacing cover of the ninja robes, these two men trained in the way of the assassin actually looked like this:


It turns out that our two freelance soldiers were not intent on unleashing some sort of murderous rampage on the unsuspecting inhabitants of Clifton. Jesse and Tad informed police that they were modern day ninjas or “Shinobi Warriors” and were going to deliver their messages to drug dealers as a warning.

Now I am no expert on Ninjitsu, but I am pretty sure that among the many impressive skills of ninjas, their mastery of the many martial techniques does not extend to the deadly art of correspondence. I am unaware of any historical evidence that ninjas have won any battles through a letter-writing campaign.

But even in the world of the Shinobi, there is a first time for everything. And what chilling letters these were. They informed drug dealers that they had been tried and found guilty by our Shinobi citizens: “You have committed passing on your impurity upon innocent brothers and sisters.” They then went on and exhorted drug dealers to cease their “cruel and sadistic intentions“. And what was to be the fate of any dealers who ignored such dire warnings? They would be confronted with “justified, yet merciful force“.

The police officers were unconvinced by exactly how ‘merciful’ their force would be, given the lethal nature of their arsenal. But they were assured by our vigilantes that “Those weapons, they were just for show, they were just there to make us look as ninja as possible“.

part of the deadly (yet merciful) weapons haul

part of the deadly (yet merciful) weapons haul

The plan had only been to deliver the letters to the front doors of dealers. They declined to comment on how they knew the addresses of the cruel and sadistic drug dealers, but a clue may once again be found in the letters themselves: “The wind guides us to those of impure heart and intent“.

Such cryptic pronouncements were not good enough for the police, who wanted a clearer statement from the pair about the reasons for their actions, and they were duly told in less formal language that they had undertaken their mission “To tell drug dealers and users to maybe back off the drugs,” Jesse said. “It screws up people’s lives.”

I think in this day when so many of our youth have gone off the rails and exhibit only disrespect and a lack of motivation, we should celebrate the efforts of these two fine upstanding young men. They should serve as an example to our lost, drifting generation of young adults, and prove that with discipline, effort, principles and eight-pointed shuriken, anything is possible.

Success does not only come by getting onto reality shows or making a sex tape, but more often it is the result of a lifetime of blood sweat and tears. You must wholly follow your passions. Jesse has not attained his considerable skills overnight, he has been selflessly immersed in his fascination with ninjas, “For a very long time now,” the 19-year-old said.

years of training

years of training

There was a sting to this already bizarre tale when Tad was charged with harassment after it came to light that he had delivered a similarly ominous letter to his ex-girlfriend. It seems the way of the Shinobi can not only defeat evil-doers who threaten your village, but is also capable of dealing, albeit without a great deal of finesse, with affairs of the heart.

Were the police glad to have on their side such talented and dedicated warriors to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with, in the war on drugs? No. Both of our intrepid saviours were charged with weapons possession. Jesse Trojaniak fared a little better and was released on a summons. Trojaniak’s father told The Associated Press his son is “not a maniac” and was only trying to help a friend.

But the lovelorn Tadeusz Tertkiewicz can meditate on how drug dealing crime syndicates are still easier to deal with than women, as he proves that it is easier to recover from the scars and injuries of battle than it is to recover from the longer-lasting wounds of a broken heart, while he is held in the Passaic County Jail on $20,000 bail.

Clifton Police Detective Captain Robert Rowan praised officers Farrell and Suhey for “doing an excellent job and putting an end to this misguided quest.” Of our deadly duo, he said, “Their intentions may have been good, but we tell everyone that they shouldn’t take the law into their own hands…They’re not bad kids. They just made a mistake.”

It is not certain whether the wayward Jesse views Det. Capt. Rowan as a sensei figure, but it seems that he has taken such wise words to heart. “I don’t think I’ll ever do anything like that again,” Jesse said. But then again, as Jesse and Tad well know, deception and subterfuge are key tactics in the philosophy of the modern ninja. I don’t think we’ve heard the last from the brotherhood of the Shinobi…

[Original Link]


viva minutiae,


One Comment leave one →
  1. smokes permalink
    May 30, 2009 6:37 pm

    These guys are legends. I wonder if they know how close they came to being horribly murdered by hardcore gangbangers.

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